Why does it feel like I have not grieved?

Today has been a bit of a sad day, but I’ve tried to put on a brave face and not let it get to me. The reason is that today is a whole month, to the day, that my Mam passed away suddenly. I cannot believe its a month. It still seems like yesterday. I can still feel how I felt at her hospital bedside, before and after she went. I can still remember how I felt getting the phone calls in the early hours, saying she had deteriorated, and how I felt when I got the call to say she had gone. I can still remember how I felt on the day of her funeral. The problem is, despite being able to remember all that, I cannot understand why, I have not been able to grieve. Yes a had a few, alcohol induced tears after the wake, but apart from that, I have not, in my mind, been able to grieve. Grieving is a very grey area. Everyone has different ways to do it. Personally I do not know what to do. I do not know how to tell if I’m grieving. For all I know, I may have grieved and not noticed. I have not shed as many tears as I thought I would. All this plays on my mind. It makes me feel guilty. I have since, my Mam passed away, been focusing all my energy into making sure my Dad is ok, and helping him as much as possible sort things out, which he has told his friends he couldn’t of done without me. What do I do? What happens? When does it happen? I don’t know. I don’t know if I should expect some sort of emotional breakdown at a later time. I suppose time will tell.
Please feel free to leave comments, with advice or about your own experiences.

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