A weird week

This has been a weird week. Nothing out of the normal has happened. I just feel so out of sorts, if you know what I mean. This is why I have not blogged that much this week. It may well be the new anti-depressants I am on. I constantly feel tired, which is to be expected, but also, I cannot seem to focus my mind on anything. I’m still feeling like I am shaking for no reason every now and then. Last night my bottom jaw was trembling as if I was cold, but I wasn’t. I still feel like the slightest thing with set me off. Either bring me close to tears or make me want to lose my temper in a big way. I’m trying to avoid situations where there’s a chance of me getting annoyed.I am still getting the chest pains. They can come about when I am totally relaxed, not just when I start to get wound up. Even as I type this, I am getting chest pains. It’s horrible. It feels like someone is standing on my chest. After being giving their phone number by my doctor, I have just rang Talking Therapies, who offer advice, information and support for people like myself who are struggle with depression, anger, bereavement etc . They have booked me in for Monday for a practitioner to ring me, to talk through everything to see what help and support they can offer me.

On a happier note, Costa, our kitten ( I still call him that even though he’s about 2 1/2 years old now ) that has been ill and had a night’s stay over at the vet’s has made a full recovery. We have been advised to continue his medication until the end of the week but apart from that he is his normal, mischievous, self, and doesn’t Molly, our other ( older ) cat know it. He’s back to terrorising poor old Molly again. All she wants to do is chill out without being jumped on.

My Dad had his long awaited visit to the Sir Bobby Robson wing of the Newcastle Freeman Hospital to see about cancer treatment, only to be told they had to do blood tests due to his diabetes and may also need a blood transfusion on his next visit as his white blood cells were a bit too high. He also has to start taking his iron tablets again. He hasn’t said, but I get the impression he was a bit disappointed thats all they did on this visit. He was only in there about 5 minutes.

Last night, I made a full roast dinner. It’s the first time ever that I have attempted one of these. The meat was a nice pork joint from Aldi, with crackling on it. I know crackling is unhealthy but it tastes so nice.
Pork loin joint

With the joint, I did roast potatoes in the oven, and Yorkshire Puddings in the JML halogen oven, and another first, I used our pressure cooker to do the carrots and broccoli. To my surprise, I didn’t blow a hole in the kitchen ceiling with it. The whole meal was a success apart from the broccoli, which turned into a bit of a mush in the pressure cooker. Apart from that mishap, I am well happy at how good the meal turned out. Everyone seemed to enjoy it. Mind you, D has said that I have made a rod for my own back now, and that I can cook more often. Suppose theres a down side to everything.

Today, G, our 12 year old daughter is doing stuff at school for Red Nose Day. I had to make a journey to the Metrocentre yesterday just to buy a tin of red hair spray. Mind you, it gave me a chance to pop into Starbucks for a coffee or two and abuse their free wifi on Google Hangout that lasted well over an hour, with Marc ( www.marccorn.co.uk ) and Carl ( www.lifeofcarl.co.uk ). It was good fun and passed the time away.

Costa, Our ill cat

What a start to the weekend. On Friday our youngest cat, Costa, started to show signs of being unwell. He is normally a lively two and a half year old, doing all the stuff young cats love to do. Terrorising our older cat Molly, chasing shadows on the floor, racing around the house at full speed like so demented jaguar on speed and all them sort of things. Now he is very lethargic and just wants to sleep. Friday night he slept in the bathroom, and Saturday morning he was still there. As far as we can tell, he has not been to the loo since Friday morning, or had anything to eat or drink. He doesn’t seem to be in any pain, just lethargic. I rang the vet to be on the safe side. They said, as he is so young, and should be full of energy, to bring him in so he can be checked over by the vet. So I dug the cat carrier out of the shed, go Costa into it, and headed off to the vets with G. At the vets, Costa had a very thorough examination by the vet. She spent ages examining his stomach. Eventually she was happy that what she could feel was actually his kidneys. The worst part was when she had to take his temperature. Obviously on cats, this is done rectally. Costa REALLY did not want this, and we had to pretty much pin him down to get it done. It turns out he has a high temperature and possibly an infection. We were sent on our way with some antibiotics and told to monitor him over night and if no improvement, to give them a ring. Next morning, he was again lying on the bathroom floor. And there was no change apart from being very very slightly more alert. Still not eating though but he did have a very long drink last night out of his bowl and has also been trying to drink out of the bathroom and kitchen taps. We rang the vets again as there wasn’t, in my opinion, enough improvement. They said to bring him in again. D, myself and G took Costa back. This time, ( after another battle to get the thermometer inserted where the sun doesn’t shine,they said his temperature has risen again and they were going to admit him so they can run blood tests and feed him fluids etc. They said that they don’t think he is in any danger. A couple of hours later, the vets rang to say that blood tests had come back and confirmed that his kidneys are absolutely fine, but his white blood cells were a bit too high, which to them shows signs of an infection. We rang last night to check how he was. We were told that he was comfortable but has still not eaten or been to the loo and the vet will ring us in the morning as he does his rounds. This morning the vet rang to say, Costa is getting very stressed at being in a kennel and is wanting to fight every time they try to take his temperature. They think, if they give us all the fluids and antibiotics to bring home, he will be more relaxed at home and will improve faster. They seem to think in two or three days, he should be more like his normal self.

This is Costa just after he got home, having a good clean. You can just see the bald patch on his front leg.
Costa back home
It’s now night time, and Costa is back home. I could tell in the car home he was more alert. He was meowing to be out. This is something he didn’t do for the last couple of car journeys. He is normally a bit scared when in a car. As soon as he go home, we removed the bandage he had on his leg, as instructed by the vets, to reveal a bald patch on his right front leg. Straight away he went to his food bowl and polished off most of the food that was there. We gave him a few minutes before wrapping him in a towel for our own protection more than his, and gave him his first lot of medicine. He wasn’t keen but as he couldn’t struggle, he had no choice but to go along with it. After this, and about ten minutes, he was back looking for more food. Which we gave hime on this occasion as we want him to eat. He polished most of that off as well. We are so happy he is eating. All we need now is for him to have a bowel movement then we will relax a bit more. For the moment, we are not allowing him out until we are sure the infection has cleared.

My Dad can cook

WOW!! thats all I can say about the tablets I took, and have taken tonight to help me sleep. I’ve been prescribed Trazadone 50mg by the doctor. They aren’t sleeping tablets, but anti-depressants, but he has given me these to help me relax as my Amitriptyline didn’t work at all. I might as well of took Smarties to help me sleep. I took the Trazadone last night at about 8pm. By midnight, I still couldn’t feel any effect from them, but come 1am, My eyes were really starting to struggle to stay open. It felt like they were try to roll backwards into the back on my eye sockets. It was then I decided enough was enough, and I had to go to bed. I lay my head on the pillow, gave D a few well placed digs in the ribs with my elbow to stop her snoring, then fell asleep, and that was that. You could of dropped a bomb on the house and I wouldn’t of known anything about it. D rang me at 9am this morning to wake me up. “Time to get up, its 9 o’clock” she said. “ok, I’m getting up”, I replied in my drug induced, still half sedated voice, then commenced to fall asleep again. When I did eventually wake up, it was 10.45am. I still didn’t want to get up but had to as I had to go to my Dad’s today. It would be lovely to stay in bed all day, but there’s no chance of that.

Once I did get up, I had a quick cuppa then shower then off to my Dad’s. He was in good spirits. He gave me instructions on how to make a nice broth like he made this morning. I had to have a sample taste. It tasted lovely but no doubt, I will forget how to make it, even though from what I remember, the instructions were not too difficult to follow. I can make a few nice easy meals, like Chilli Con Carni, and Spag Bol ( Spaghetti Bolognese ), and few basic things like pizza and chips etc, but I’m not that adventurous otherwise. I would love to be able to make a nice, thick broth, or home made pie etc. I think, in this day and age, with both parents normally working and not having enough spare time, people become to reliant on ready meals or stuff from tins and jars. I think the art of ‘proper’ home made cooking from scratch is disappearing. What do you think? Did your Mum, or Dad for that matter, do ‘real’ home made meals. I know my Mam did. When she was able to, before she had a stroke, she was brilliant cook and was well known for the stuff she made. She seemed to know how to make anything. One thing I find funny is, that since my Mam has passed away, I have learned that my Dad can actually cook as well. Apparently my Mam never let my Dad cook very much. This must be why I don’t have any memories of my Dad cooking. It has been a nice surprise to find out that he can cook, and he has been giving me tips. I will have to take a notebook down with me sometime to write recipes and instructions down. He has even been teaching me how to use the pressure cooker I have in the cupboard that has never been out of the box. I always had a fear of pressure cookers, in case I do something wrong, and it ends up exploding and blowing a vertical hole through the kitchen ceiling, bathroom, loft, then goes into orbit, bouncing satellites out of their orbit, then goes on the news, via NASA as some sort of metallic unidentified flying object.
Tonight was yet another mammoth session of finance planning. Tonight we managed to get all the way to the New Year planned. G even managed to get herself involved in it. I’m glad she is taking an interest. I want her, like many parent do with their kids, to get to realise that money DOES NOT grown on trees.

Money Tree

In G’s defence, apart from liking the expensive drinks at Starbuck and the expensive meals at McDonalds she is not the type of girl that always wants money. She has, in the past, even turned down the offer of something and said ” No, we cannot afford it”. Hearing this can make me and D feel bad but it shows she does think about the cost of stuff sometimes which only be good.

A nice weekend

What a lovely weekend I have had. In fact I think we all have had a nice weekend. I know D, like me, is on some sort of weird high. Don’t panic we are not having some sort of flower power hippy, tree hugging party or anything as exciting as that. The reason is simple. I have mentioned a few times recently that we are trying to sort out our finances. Well, we have started today, in earnest. We have sat each night for the last couple of nights, putting all our incomings and outgoings onto Apple Numbers spreadsheets, and even going so far in advance up to end of May 2013. We have budgeted money for everything. If the sheets are 1p out compared to the bank, we are looking for it. Which we had to do the other night, and what a cow that was to find. Got it sorted in the end though thankfully. Anyway, we budgeted money for our weekly shop. We decided on a weekly shop rather than daily shopping, as we are both terrible at impulse buying. Anyway we set our budget and we actually managed to keep well within it, and walked out with a trolley full of stuff to last the week. Its made D and I very pleased to know that if we keep to the plan, we are going to be a lot better off financially. We just have to be strict thats all.

Today is the day I go to the doctors for my appointment that I should of had on Friday, but I cocked up. I will be mentioning about the receptionist that refused to help me. I just hope the doctor is able to help. Its not normal that I feel emotional for no reason at random times, and keep have bouts of the shakes and I keep getting chest pains. One moment Im fine then for no reason, I start feeling down, or I get the chest pains and shakes. If something annoys me, for example, the doctors receptionist on Friday, the chest pains start straight away, and I start getting the shakes and sometimes feel a bit like woozy. On Saturday I had to leave a shop I was in with Denise because I started to feel unwell. I had to find a seat to sit down in before I fell over. As I mentioned in my last post, my manager has already told me that this is a very stressful time to be coming back to work. Even typing this I can feel chest pains coming on. I’m not sleeping well either. I am tossing and turning for what feels all night. Another thing Ive noticed is that Im becoming forgetful at time. I could walk into a room, and the my brain goes blaaaaahhhhhhhh, and I stand there like an idiot staring. I know Im meant to be doing something, but its like my brain has no idea. This is happening too often for my liking.

This is the second time I have typed this post. Last night it was twice the length, but WordPress decided to have one of its moments and as I was uploading it, it crashed and I lost everything apart from the first 200 words. Needless to say, this pee’d me off a bit. Thats about 800 words I lost last night. So from me ‘Thank you very much WordPress, you obviously intend for me to start pressing the save draft button after every sentence from now on.’

It started badly

What a start to the day. I hope it doesnt continue this way. I went to see the doctor for my 09.30 appointment only to find out that I should of been there at 09.00. I explained to the receptionist that I had made a mistake and that I was late. She point blank refused to even entertain the idea of me seeing the doctor. I wouldn’t of minded waiting to hopefully be slotted in between appointments but she said no. I explained that I need to see about another sick note as my current one expires today, and to discuss things with a doctor with regards to the most recent things that have happened. She still refused to help. I asked if the on call doctor could give me a ring then. She said that’s only for urgent cases where things have happened in the last 24 – 48 hours. I explained I was taken into hospital by ambulance yesterday. She said she was sorry about that but on call doctors cannot issue sick notes anyway, so noone will be able to help you. I then had to ring my boss and explained what had happened. She asked how I was. I explained what had happened. She asked if I am ringing sick for tomorrows shift. I told her I was to which she replied that to be honest, if I did come back, I would be coming back at a very stressful time as things have changed so we are expecting a heavy workload for a while. NOw, after what happened this afternoon, I am glad I wont be going back just yet, or at least until the doctor says its ok.
After speaking to my boss, I drove to my Dads house and realised half way there I forgot to put my new tax disk on show. I hope I don’t get a ticket. Once at my Dad’s I yet again had to ring Virgin Media only to be told they STILL have not sent the bereavement forms out. I am getting a bit sick of this. My Dad received a bill in his name, minus the street name. The Post Office had handwritten the street name on the envelope, but there are 2 people of the same name living on that street. He also received a letter in my Mam’s name about upping her credit limit with Virgin Media. Both the bill and the letter had the same account number on. How are we supposed to tell who the account hold is, if stuff is being mailed out in two different names. The overseas guy on the phone then said he would send me a password to set up an account online to be able to manage my Mam / Dad’s account. Even though I told him one or two things that had happened on the account recently. He even asked for the password, which I did not know, he still sent out this password and at no point during the call did he ask to speak to my Dad. I work in a similar industry and I know that is a glaring breach of Data Protection. Personally I am getting a bit pee’d off about the whole scenario. After that phone call, Dad and myself went to the bank, then the bookies for him to put his Irish lottery on. We then had a couple of coffees together and chatted, then I came home.
After half an hour or so, I had to pick G up from school. After we left there,I was driving along over a round out and a car alongside me nearly hit my car. I had to slam on the brakes. The other driver was oblivious. Luckily enough he got stuck in some traffic so I was able to pull up alongside him and gave him a bit of verbal. Not my style normally, especially with G in the car as well. I was losing the plot. Shaking with rage. I drove around the corner and pulled into the car park for our local pet store where I needed to go for cat food. I was still shaking. G could tell I was upset or annoyed and was asking if I was ok. She gave me a loving cuddle to try and calm me down. In the shop, I could not decide what food to get the cats. The normal one was sold out. For some reason, even though I could see the prices I couldn’t decide which the best deal was. Its a simple enough process. At that time I just couldn’t do it. It took me a couple of minutes for my brain to decide which was best. We got what we needed for the cats and went home. Even when I got home, I was stick a nervous wreck. I am never like this. All drivers have near misses, but we shrug it off after a couple of minutes. At home, at this time, I honestly feel like I’m having a meltdown.
Luckily enough, one of my friends rang up. He has been, and is still going through what I have been going through, with the loss of close family members. We had our normal chat about current mobile phones on the market etc, then got onto money saving. YES, I’m still going on about money. It’s a big thing at present in our house. Anyway, he gave me some good tips that he has been doing. An obvious on at that. He stopped going to Sainsburys and Asda, and not shops at Aldi and Lidl. He is saving a fortune, about 30.00 per week, and the products etc he buys are ever bit as good as the brand makes or own brands in the other shops. he cooks a lot so knows his meats and says the meat is just as good as the other places. For that sort of saving, I’m definitely going to try it out. After this chat with him, I felt a lot more relaxed. Not totally but more relaxed than earlier.
I’m going to chill for the rest of the night while D goes to her friends house.

Final note. Got a text from the VIP people who sell the e-cigarettes at Gateshead Metro Centre. People power prevails. They are now being allowed to stay and not being kicked out after all. Thats great news. The bad side is, the Metrocentre is still banning e-cigarettes from being smoked in the shopping centre, apart from the champagne bar and VIP shop, and if retailers, such as Starbucks say its ok. ( p.s, The manager at Starbucks is fine with e-cigarettes. You can smoke them there ).

Thought of the day: A penny saved is a government oversight