Tag Archives: diary

A nervous day

Its been a long while since I last did a proper blog post. Like so many bloggers and writers out there, I just sort of dried up and could not think of what to put down in writing. I found it a bit easier to vlog ( video blog ) but even then I have had times where I cannot think of something to vlog about. Its pretty much the way my mind works these day and has been for a good few years now.

Today, saw the first telephone contact with the new therapists. The reason for this is that recently there has been an increase in mood swings, anxiety attacks and panic attacks, hyper vigilance PLUS a new development compared to previous times, which at this time, I cannot divulge, but is a concerning development for me. It is due to this new development I decided to self refer myself and to act proactively and nip this in the bud before things got too bad, unlike the last time in 2013 where I ended up in a really ‘dark’ place mentally speaking.

Last week should of been my first phone call with the therapist but thanks to the gas engineers being at our house fitting new smart meters, the call had to be abandoned and rearranged for this week. Like so many people will have done before something like this, I had built this up in my head, so that the closer it got to the call, the more uptight I was getting.

Bang on time at 10am the phone rang and it was a young girl from the therapists who was a trainee counsellor. All she need to do this week was get details to pass to her supervisorabout what has been happening and what prompted me to self refer to them. She seemed really nice and caring, as you would expect, which really helped put me at ease. I answered all the questions she asked and additionally volunteered more information. I will not bore you with the questions she asked but anyone who has been though this process will know exactly what the standard questions of the GAD7 and PQ9 plus a couple of other forms are, including if I had suicidal or self harming thoughts, which thankfully I haven’t. Even though the girl was really nice, afterwards I was still left feeling drained and really down. Since it’s about 4 years since my last therapy session, I forgot how the after effects feel. Pretty crappy to be honest. If it wasn’t for the fact I was run of my feet busy for the rest of the day, I would of locked myself away for the rest of the day and not resurfaced until the evening, just to get some alone time and to process everything.

The girl ended the call after arranging another call tomorrow at 18.00 to speak to me about which direction they can take the sessions, and what sort of help they can provide moving forward. Hopefully there is something they can do for me.

Wish me luck.

Had to put this down in words

depression

I just thought I would put this down in words while I’m on the laptop and its in my head as I know, like everything else, I’ll just put it on the back burner and forget about it.
It comes to something when you are dreading going back to work, even after just one day off. You prey for the days to go fast so that your next day off comes around quickly. Well thats how I feel at the moment. I feel up and down health wise. I still feel I’m not right with this bug or whatever knocking me for six every day and making me just want to sleep and sapping me of all enthusiasm to do the normal stuff in life. Theres also the stress, and depression stuff that coincides with that at the same time which seems to double the tiredness and downers.
I know Denise is having a hard and busy time at work so she’s pretty run down as well. I hate seeing her like that. It’s not the normal Denise I know and love. She also has worries about her Dad who’s in hospital after having a knee replacement.
Then on top of that there’s Georgia with her health problems ( I.B.S ) which is upsetting her and getting her anxious about going to school. As a parent, its horrible seeing your child so messed up and unhappy about stuff. I know we will eventually get her diet sorted out to figure out what she can and cannot eat and get her feeling a bit better, or a lot better hopefully, but for now its hard watching her get so upset about it.
I am so looking forward to when we all start feeling a lot better. I hope it’s sooner rather than later but for now, like everyone else has to do, we will try to keep smiling and soldier on.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Take care everyone
Steve

She’s away out drinking (Vlog #355)

Lanzarote 2016 Day 1 (Vlog #338)

My 2nd and the girl’s first time to Lanzarote. We sooooo needed this break

Watch “Raining at the beach” on YouTube

Fire at the neighbours Vlog #255

Stu’s channel can be found at https://www.youtube.com/user/secretdi…. Pop across and show him some love.

Rain at the seaside Vlog #254

A visit to the docs. Things are not right.

What a week and a half I have had. Last Sunday I woke up to find I had blister type things on my face. They were right across the right hand side of my face. I decided to keep and eye on it to make sure they didn’t get any worse, which sods law, they did. Right down my cheek from just below my eye down to my chin. This also meant they were in amongst my whiskers. They were sore. I rang the docs and managed to get an appointment pretty quickly for after work. I was expecting them to say they were bites or an allergic reaction to something.

When the doctor took one look at them she rushed out and down the corridor. I heard her urgently asking another doctor to quickly come and have a look as it looks like another the same as the other one earlier. The two doctors came in and the second doctor took one look at my face and confirmed that I had in fact developed Shingles. You could of knocked me down with a feather. I never even considered that option. I was all for it being bites. How wrong I was.

I got prescribed tablets to combat it and warned to try and avoid coming into contact with the elderly, people who are pregnant and people   who have a low immune system. I had to tell him my job involves going to elderly peoples homes. They seemed quite sure I would be ok with these customers as long as I didn’t get too close initially. I did as requested.

Since then it seems to of got better. They scabbed over and become very itchy and sore, but not weeping, which is good. As well as taking my tablets I have been using antiseptic cream on my face to try and sooth it. Today I was told I will no longer be infectious.

I have read that Shingles can be caused by being run down. Recently, for quiet a few weeks now, I have not felt my normal self. I have felt totally out of sorts. Virtually every night I have been finishing my dinner then going to bed absolutely shattered. I’m talking about 7.30 at night sometimes.

As well as always being tired, I have been losing weight without trying even after eating pizza, or pie and chips, and having ice cream every night. I also have been feeling really sick every morning. Sick to the point where I physically want to vomit at the very thought of having some toast. Yesterday morning I had a quarter of a slice of toast. I’ve also been peeing a lot even though I’m not drinking a great deal. I know there is a history of diabetes in my family but all tests I have had in the past have come back negative.

Like I say, things are not right and I want to know why.

Due to the way I’m feeling recently, I have been to the doctors and requested a full blood test. That was done today. I should hear back within 2 weeks, unless something serious is discovered, then they will get in touch straight away.

I am sick of feeling like this. I need to find out what is causing it. Its been going on way before the Shingles started. Lets hope, they find a reason why this is happening.

In so much pain Weekly roundup 4th March 2016 (Vlog #241)

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I’ll get her back (Vlog #240)

Thank you so much for taking the time to pop across to my channel. Its very much appreciated.
If you like this video then please give it video a thumbs up
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