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I had to endure an appointment with the Mental Health advisor today at the doctors. It was just a catch up to see how I’m doing. ( And maybes a hidden ‘just making sure you have not topped yourself’ reason ). It seemed to go ok, although anyone who suffers from depression will know how hard it can be to describe how you feel. So in my mind it felt a bit like a waste of mine and the advisors time.
A lazy night was had tonight. D had been on her daily visit to see her gran in hospital. I made her tea ( only pizza and chips ), then we settled down to watch Who Do You Think You Are USA and CSI on tv after shuffling G off to bed. Nice hot toasted tea cakes were the order of the night at 10pm. As normal, not long after 10.30pm, D was snoring her head off next to me on the sofa. In her defence, she was shattered from work, never mind going to hospital as well afterwards. After she went to bed at 11pm I dragged my bass guitar out ( unplugged ) and had a bit of a practice with it. Its been a few weeks since I used it. Just trying to loosen the fingers up.
I think I lasted about an hour after I went to bed before I got up again due to G snoring like some wild animal. I’ll end up going to bed at 6am when she gets up and trying to grab a few hours. Its no wonder I feel like a zombie. A mixture of anti depressants and lack of sleep is not good for ones self.
This has been a weird week. Nothing out of the normal has happened. I just feel so out of sorts, if you know what I mean. This is why I have not blogged that much this week. It may well be the new anti-depressants I am on. I constantly feel tired, which is to be expected, but also, I cannot seem to focus my mind on anything. I’m still feeling like I am shaking for no reason every now and then. Last night my bottom jaw was trembling as if I was cold, but I wasn’t. I still feel like the slightest thing with set me off. Either bring me close to tears or make me want to lose my temper in a big way. I’m trying to avoid situations where there’s a chance of me getting annoyed.I am still getting the chest pains. They can come about when I am totally relaxed, not just when I start to get wound up. Even as I type this, I am getting chest pains. It’s horrible. It feels like someone is standing on my chest. After being giving their phone number by my doctor, I have just rang Talking Therapies, who offer advice, information and support for people like myself who are struggle with depression, anger, bereavement etc . They have booked me in for Monday for a practitioner to ring me, to talk through everything to see what help and support they can offer me.
On a happier note, Costa, our kitten ( I still call him that even though he’s about 2 1/2 years old now ) that has been ill and had a night’s stay over at the vet’s has made a full recovery. We have been advised to continue his medication until the end of the week but apart from that he is his normal, mischievous, self, and doesn’t Molly, our other ( older ) cat know it. He’s back to terrorising poor old Molly again. All she wants to do is chill out without being jumped on.
My Dad had his long awaited visit to the Sir Bobby Robson wing of the Newcastle Freeman Hospital to see about cancer treatment, only to be told they had to do blood tests due to his diabetes and may also need a blood transfusion on his next visit as his white blood cells were a bit too high. He also has to start taking his iron tablets again. He hasn’t said, but I get the impression he was a bit disappointed thats all they did on this visit. He was only in there about 5 minutes.
Last night, I made a full roast dinner. It’s the first time ever that I have attempted one of these. The meat was a nice pork joint from Aldi, with crackling on it. I know crackling is unhealthy but it tastes so nice.
With the joint, I did roast potatoes in the oven, and Yorkshire Puddings in the JML halogen oven, and another first, I used our pressure cooker to do the carrots and broccoli. To my surprise, I didn’t blow a hole in the kitchen ceiling with it. The whole meal was a success apart from the broccoli, which turned into a bit of a mush in the pressure cooker. Apart from that mishap, I am well happy at how good the meal turned out. Everyone seemed to enjoy it. Mind you, D has said that I have made a rod for my own back now, and that I can cook more often. Suppose theres a down side to everything.
Today, G, our 12 year old daughter is doing stuff at school for Red Nose Day. I had to make a journey to the Metrocentre yesterday just to buy a tin of red hair spray. Mind you, it gave me a chance to pop into Starbucks for a coffee or two and abuse their free wifi on Google Hangout that lasted well over an hour, with Marc ( www.marccorn.co.uk ) and Carl ( www.lifeofcarl.co.uk ). It was good fun and passed the time away.
Today has started a bit different to normal, and not in a good way. I woke up at 4am clutching my chest. The pain was awful. On a scale of 1 to 10 it was up there at about an 8. It was unlike any chest pain I had had in the past. This time I had the chest pain the was fro. I the centre of the chest and radiated out over both sides of the chest. At the same time I had a really bad pain in and behind left shoulder blade and was panting for air. I tried to calm myself down and eventually fell back asleep. The next morning ( today ) I woke up and didn’t feel myself. I had a numb feeling that intermittently went in waves, like a mild feeling. Also I still felt a little out of breath and still breathing heavier than I normally would. I got up, and straight away, cranked up the Mac and rang Marc, who is a very good friend of mine and fellow blogger ( www.marccorn.co.uk ). I told him what had happened last night and told him that I was a bit concerned about what happened and how I was still feeling and was not sure what to do. Should I ring NHS Direct or shouldn’t I. Marc told me that his Dad had had a couple of heart attacks in the past, and that he thinks I should ring NHS Direct and see what they say. Marc was a great help and his advice was very much appreciated. So after I spoke to him, I had a quick shower then rang NHS Direct. I answered all the questions the best I could that the man on the phone asked me, he then put me on hold then came back and said that an ambulance will be at my house within a couple of minutes. Once the ambulance car turned up, the medic ran ECG tests which came back fine, but also decided to take me to hospital for extra tests. In hospital, I had blood tests done and chest X-rays, more ECG’s, and blood pressure tests. After what seemed an age, My lovely D found me. She had managed to get away from her work. It was lovely to see her. I was so grateful that she came to make sure I was ok. After sitting for ages more, the doctor came back and told me the test results show that I had had no heart attack. In a way I was surprised that it wasn’t even a minor attack, because it certainly felt like it, but at the same time, relieved nothing was found.
Denise drove me home, where I rang my Dad to give him the good news. He was obviously pleased and told me to look after myself, this was nice considering he doesn’t normally say that sort of thing, but it shows how much closer we are becoming since my Mam passed away and the amount of time we spend together now, but also considering he is very ill himself with cancer. Then G came home from school and came straight up to me and gave me a big hug and asked how I was. To keep G happy I let her have the pleasure of ripping off the sticky pads that the ECG machine gets attached to. She laughed out loud whenever she ripped one off, especially the one on my chest closest to my nipple. That one stung like a b***h.
Tonight I had a great hangout with Marc and Carl ( www.lifeofcarl.co.uk ). It was nice chatting and having a laugh with them both after the day I’ve had.
I’m off to bed now, so hopefully I will have a better nights sleep, but I’m sure it will be in the back of my mind, being worried that I could be woken up by severe chest pains. I do hope not.
This morning, I arrived at my Dad’s house with half an hour to spare until we had to go to the solicitors, only to be going through the paperwork, making sure we had everything we needed, and finding out the time for the solicitors was at 14.00, not 11.30. I was not expecting that. Another 2 and a half hours to waste. We were all set to got to that appointment. We decided to go to Boots to get my prescription put in for my pain killers then go for a coffee, or two. After filling in time at Costa coffee, we walked along to the solicitors. This solicitor was as you would expect a solicitor to look. Very professional and authoritarian looking, but at the same time was very down to earth and telling us about his experiences with our local hospital. After the initial chit chat, icebreaking talk, we got down to business and handed over all paperwork we could find, to be informed that the process could take 8 – 12 weeks to complete. This is the irritating part of the process, all the waiting. As anyone who has been in this situation will tell you, you just want everything to be over so you can get on with your life, and get some form of normality back to it. Both me and my Dad are both looking forward to that.
My Dad, dropped a comment into the conversation whilst at the solicitors, after the solicitor advised making a will. He did state we didm;t have to do it through themselves, so he obviously wasn’t looking for business, just offering advice. My dad took me by surprise and said that he wasn’t going to be around much longer himself. I was a bit taken aback by this as it showed a bit about what he was thinking. Like I’ve said previously, he does not give much away about how he is feeling or what he is thinking. Whether thats due to his upbringing or that he doesn’t want me to worry, or a bit of both. He also mentioned about the trials he is soon to start at the Sir Bobby Robson Wing of The Freeman Hospital in Newcastle upon Tyne. He said that the chances of the trials helping him are 1 in 20. Not the best odds, I’m sure you will agree, but its better than zero chance. Plus, the fact, that he is helping to find a cure for cancer. Sir Bobby Robson used to positively say “when’ not ‘if’ we beat cancer” ( Quote from Run Geordie Run / Mark Allison’s blog http://markallisonjogtole.blogspot.co.uk/2012/09/a-change-of-tactics.html )
On that subject, Please support Mark Allison’s quest to raise money for the The Sir Bobby Robson Foundation http://www.sirbobbyrobsonfoundation.org.uk . Please check out http://markallisonjogtole.blogspot.co.uk/2012/09/a-change-of-tactics.html, and http://markallisonjogtole.blogspot.co.uk and on Twitter @rungeordierun. Please drop him a line and show his some support. He replies to his tweets. He is doing an amazing job raising a lot of money for a great cause, which for obvious reasons, is close to my heart.
Not only is my Dad going to be attending the Sir Bobby Robson Cancer Trials Research Centre in the Sir Bobby Robson Wing, my brother was also on that wing as well, when he was critically ill, Not in the Trials Research Centre, but on that wing of the hospital.
He got moved from there to St. Oswalds Hospice in Gosforth, where he later died in 2011. My Brother, James, suffered from kidney failure and blindness, as well as other multiple problems, most of which stemmed from diabetes.
Mark is running across Australia from Perth to Sydney on October 16th 2013 arriving on Bondi Beach on December 24th 2013.
All funds raised for the run across Australia are split between The Sir Bobby Robson Foundation (Charity No. 1057213) and The Children’s Foundation (Charity No. 1000013) who do wonderful work with children in the region where he lives.