Tag Archives: personal

We are so proud of Gee

Georgia passed her trial for her first ever Saturday job. We are so proud of her.

A nervous day

Its been a long while since I last did a proper blog post. Like so many bloggers and writers out there, I just sort of dried up and could not think of what to put down in writing. I found it a bit easier to vlog ( video blog ) but even then I have had times where I cannot think of something to vlog about. Its pretty much the way my mind works these day and has been for a good few years now.

Today, saw the first telephone contact with the new therapists. The reason for this is that recently there has been an increase in mood swings, anxiety attacks and panic attacks, hyper vigilance PLUS a new development compared to previous times, which at this time, I cannot divulge, but is a concerning development for me. It is due to this new development I decided to self refer myself and to act proactively and nip this in the bud before things got too bad, unlike the last time in 2013 where I ended up in a really ‘dark’ place mentally speaking.

Last week should of been my first phone call with the therapist but thanks to the gas engineers being at our house fitting new smart meters, the call had to be abandoned and rearranged for this week. Like so many people will have done before something like this, I had built this up in my head, so that the closer it got to the call, the more uptight I was getting.

Bang on time at 10am the phone rang and it was a young girl from the therapists who was a trainee counsellor. All she need to do this week was get details to pass to her supervisorabout what has been happening and what prompted me to self refer to them. She seemed really nice and caring, as you would expect, which really helped put me at ease. I answered all the questions she asked and additionally volunteered more information. I will not bore you with the questions she asked but anyone who has been though this process will know exactly what the standard questions of the GAD7 and PQ9 plus a couple of other forms are, including if I had suicidal or self harming thoughts, which thankfully I haven’t. Even though the girl was really nice, afterwards I was still left feeling drained and really down. Since it’s about 4 years since my last therapy session, I forgot how the after effects feel. Pretty crappy to be honest. If it wasn’t for the fact I was run of my feet busy for the rest of the day, I would of locked myself away for the rest of the day and not resurfaced until the evening, just to get some alone time and to process everything.

The girl ended the call after arranging another call tomorrow at 18.00 to speak to me about which direction they can take the sessions, and what sort of help they can provide moving forward. Hopefully there is something they can do for me.

Wish me luck.

Had to put this down in words

depression

I just thought I would put this down in words while I’m on the laptop and its in my head as I know, like everything else, I’ll just put it on the back burner and forget about it.
It comes to something when you are dreading going back to work, even after just one day off. You prey for the days to go fast so that your next day off comes around quickly. Well thats how I feel at the moment. I feel up and down health wise. I still feel I’m not right with this bug or whatever knocking me for six every day and making me just want to sleep and sapping me of all enthusiasm to do the normal stuff in life. Theres also the stress, and depression stuff that coincides with that at the same time which seems to double the tiredness and downers.
I know Denise is having a hard and busy time at work so she’s pretty run down as well. I hate seeing her like that. It’s not the normal Denise I know and love. She also has worries about her Dad who’s in hospital after having a knee replacement.
Then on top of that there’s Georgia with her health problems ( I.B.S ) which is upsetting her and getting her anxious about going to school. As a parent, its horrible seeing your child so messed up and unhappy about stuff. I know we will eventually get her diet sorted out to figure out what she can and cannot eat and get her feeling a bit better, or a lot better hopefully, but for now its hard watching her get so upset about it.
I am so looking forward to when we all start feeling a lot better. I hope it’s sooner rather than later but for now, like everyone else has to do, we will try to keep smiling and soldier on.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Take care everyone
Steve

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I’ll get her back (Vlog #240)

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