Read a funny thing this morning

While waiting for iTunes to get its arse in gear and hurry up, I found this. It made me laugh.

Diary of One Who Employs a Cleaner

So you think you’ve got the answer to all your cleaning problems… get a cleaner! It’s simple. Or is it? The following diary written by someone who employs a cleaner might make you think again.

*

7.30am Cleaner due in 90 minutes. Aaargh! Mad rush to clean, dust, spritz, buff and polish things so that cleaner doesn’t think I’m a slob (she would of course be right). Hide dirty underwear. Bin really dirty underwear. Hide ‘dirty’ (ie provocative) underwear so cleaner doesn’t think I’m kinky.
*

8am Leave house to avoid encountering cleaner – she thinks I have a proper nine to five job.
*

9am Realise I’ve forgotten to leave money for cleaner.
*

9.30am Return home to encounter cleaner reading my mail. Embarrassed exchange of pleasantries and 20 quid2.
*

9.45am Point out that windows need cleaning. Cleaner sniffs. ‘Don’t do windows ‘cos of me back’. Neither does she do ‘fridges, ovens, chip pans or cat litter’. (I don’t have a cat. Perhaps she is trying to tell me my flat smells a bit?)
*

10am Cleaner makes tea, complains about lack of milk and asks whether I’m going to be late for work.
*

11am – 5pm Mooch around shops trying not to think about what cleaner might be poking about with in my flat. Contemplate shinning up drainpipe and peering through window, then remember it’s too dirty to see through.
*

6pm Return home. Admire the way cleaner has moved every single item of furniture. Spend three hours moving it all back, and thus uncovering stains which cleaner couldn’t be arsed to clean.
*

9pm Note marked absence of biscuits, tea, pile of nicely ironed clothes and assorted newspapers marked ‘please do not chuck out as I haven’t read these yet’.
*

10pm Sit down to watch video recording of Eastenders screened earlier on in the evening3.
*

10.05pm Discover that cleaner unplugged video and reset it.
*

10.06pm Watch unwanted eight hour video of International Golf, before falling asleep and having violent dreams about disembowelment of cleaner with a Dyson crevice tool.

Repeat once a week as necessary, and say out loud, rhetorically, ‘This is ‘labour-saving’?’

Spent a couple of hours today restoring a photo that was sent to me last year by a flickr friend of mine. It’s a lovely photo of a paddling pool that was taken around the time I used to go there with my Mother and Brother and taken at near enough the exact place where we sat.
Restoring this photo took hours. There were hundreds of dust marks that had to be removed and hairs and stains. It now looks a lot better, not perfect but the best I could get it.

We went to Slimming world tonight. I was expecting have gained about 4 or 5 pounds after being away camping and drinking last weekend. Suprisingly enough I only gained 2 pounds. I pleased with that.

It’s been a strange sort of day for me today. Nothing really happened but I feel on a bit of a downer after such a great weekend camping at the motor racing.
Sorting out a couple of hundred photos filled a couple of hours. It’s suprising how good they look on the camera but on the pc, they are blurred to hell. It’s bloody annoying.
Had a nice suprise though today. I managed to get into a pair of size 38 shorts. It’s the first time in years I’ve been able to do that. The diet must be paying off.

Oulton here we come

Just a quick update today as we have loads to do. Off to Oulton Park for the weekend. I’ve tried to take precautions this time. Inflatable mattress instead of of a camp bed, painkillers, smaller bag to carry while there instead of my camera rucksack. Fingers crossed for a trouble free weekend in the pain stakes.
D is excited as she has never been camping before, plus she can chill for a couple of days and also meet her heartthrob driver, Tom Chilton.
Slimming World update: lost 2 pound this week to take my weight loss to 1 stone 2 pounds. Only 13 pound to go to initial target weight. This weekend may temporarily throw a spanner in the works but I’m expecting that, so back on diet as soon as I get back.>

Withdrawal

I have been feeling quite out of sorts for the last week. Not been sleeping properly, suffering from restless leg syndrome, feeling really hot at night even though the house is cold. I’ve not been able to concentrate on things. I got told off by my o/h the other day for ignoring what people were saying to me when we had guests. I didn’t know anyone had spoken to me.
There were a few other things as well that were making me at odds with myself but I has just twigged on why I’m feeling like this. I have, in the last 5 days stopped using my Fentanyl patches for my back pain. Now for anyone who’s not sure what Fentanyl is, it’s a strong opioid pain killer which is most commonly prescribed in patches. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fentanyl
It is apparently approx 100% more potent that morphine, so it shows how strong it is.
I have been taking this for quite a while now for pain that I have from a prolapsed disk in my back. I knew about the restless leg syndrome ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Restless_legs_syndrome ) when I didn’t use the patches but for so strange reason, I didn’t give it a second thought about withdrawal symptoms from coming off the patch. By rights you are meant to decrease the dosage over a period of time.
I know you are proberly calling me a stupid whatever but I have my reasons.
At least now I know why I feel weird at the moment. It’s been frustrating not knowing, but now I can feel a bit happier with knowledge.

A quick Slimming World update

Sorry, I have just realised that I never posted and update about my weight last week after going to Slimming World on Thursday. Well, I lost four and a half pounds with got me to exactly one stone, I’ve lost in two weeks. Yehhhh!!!


These are my half stone and stone awards.
I even won a free week so don’t have to pay this week.

A good day so far

Well today is Thursday and its Slimming World day for D and I. Like I said in a previous post, after losing nine and a half pound last week, I’m not expecting as big weight loss this week. There’s no way I should of put on though. I’ve been quite strict with myself. Eating fruit, very little bread (2 slices on Sunday is all I’ve had), drinking water and having healthy meals and a yogurt. I will keep you posted on how I have done.
Today is also the day I have one of my photos posted in a newspaper. ( The Journal extra. Northumberland Edition.) There’s 30,000 copies of this newspaper printed and distributed all over Northumberland. That’s 30,000 people that will see my photo. I cant help but smile. Its the first time a photo of mine has been published.
After rushing outside to get the nearly dry washing in during a sudden downpour, its time for lunch. I’m going to attempt to make an omelette. I think I’ll use the Magic Bullet blender I bought a few years back but never used, Wish me luck.
Update: Using Fry Lite to cook with instead of oil, does not stop the omelette sticking to the pan. Result: 1 x rather messed up scrambled egg. Tastes nice though.</strike

Nearly the end of the week

After applying my Fentynal patch last night ( which is now increased to 50 micrograms) I had one hour sleep between 7 and 8 am this morning. I feel so shattered. It doesn’t help that the outside temperature is 20+ degrees.I really should speak to the doctor to see if he can give me anything to help me sleep on the first night of applying the patches. I’m going to have a nice relaxing bath tonight, have my tea then have an early night, ready for a nice family day tomorrow.
I still have not heard from my son, J. Rumour has it he is visiting his sister in another part of the country. I just wish he would text and let me know he is safe and well.
I can’t decide whether to text him or leave him to sort his head out.
The house is looking a bit tidier after sorting stuff out this afternoon. It’s surprising how much rubbish you accumulate over a short space of time. Toffee ( our lion head house rabbit) has torn chunks off the rug which you only find out when you shake it. We might as well throw the rug out if he is just going to use it as a chew toy. It’s not like he goes short of food.
Had a nasty surprise in the post today. My wage slip came, and I am about 24 hours short. Payroll have made a mistake. I think I know where as well. I was expecting 16 hours due to being on the sick and not getting paid for the first 2 or 3 days ( I can’t remember which), plus my first day of sick, we changed from 12 to 8 hours. It may work out correct, it may not. I will see on Monday when I ring up.
Final thought: thank the lord I don’t have to endure ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ on TV tonight. A Saturday off without reality TV teen rubbish. BLISS!!!!!

Stu

Day 1 continued.

Well anyone that follows me on Twitter or facebook will already know that I had my first weigh in at Slimming World last night and In my first week lost a whopping nine and a half pound, which also got me my half stone award. I couldn’t stop smiling all night and D was so proud of me. Loads of people at the slimming club , on Twitter and facebook said well done. What a lovely feeling it was.
A couple of people have said that even after only a week, they can tell I’ve lost weight.
I hope I have another good week this week, but I’m not expecting such a massive loss. Fingers crossed for me.

S